{a poppy and a gramme}

My mom and dad are here!!!!!
My sweet parents are saving the day...AGAIN!

I feel so grateful that we have such great family to rely on when times get rough.  We have so much support from all the grandparents and aunts/uncles and cousins and so forth.  We really appreciate all the prayers, thoughts, and cards:)  Because my parents are retired they are able to come out and help during this time of need.  They drove from Utah in the winter (a true sacrifice:)) so they could take care of Henry while we were in the hospital with Eliza.  It is such a relief not to worry how Henry is going to be doing and if he will be okay.  He will be having a marvelous time and probably not even care that we are gone:)  I will be able to concentrate on Eliza and help her through this surgery because I know Henry will be in good hands!  Even though they are coming for a serious reason, it is a great unplanned surprise to have a visit from family!  A welcome distraction!

It has felt like we have been shut inside our home for FOREVER.  Eliza has been sick for months so that has kept us in more often than not.  Also we have been keeping her from church, stores, play dates, etc. to try and keep her well for her surgery.  I am feeling a little suffocated and I know Henry is.  It has been nice to have more people around so he can get out and do something fun while I stay home with Eliza. 

{Henry, loving up to Poppy, ready to go outside and get some fresh air}

 

{cozy}



{Henry, out for the count}

{waking up after he fell asleep watching a church movie after church}

{so cozy in Mom and Dad's bed}

{an earth}

Henry loves to make things, with me or without me...

I try to give him experiences to create (with me supervising) as much as possible to lessen some of his creative projects, which usually are happening in the bathroom sink.

Henry has wanted to make a planet earth forever!  It started out just green and blue, but Henry used a little creative license.  He started using red for dirt, etc.  It became a very colorful planet earth:) 

Dog was watching:)

{a funny boy}

Henry is always doing and saying things that make us laugh so hard.  He is very creative and thinks up some very inventive things to do around the house. 

Sometimes, those things are naughty...

and MESSY.

He went through a phase of slipping into the bathroom and making "planet earths" out of toilet paper, water, and lots of soap.

It seems much of his creativity is involved with water.

I am going to try and record some of these funny moments.  Maybe in ten or twenty years I will even think some of them are funny and the desire to strangle him will dissipate:)

Last week I was naive enough to think I could go upstairs and hang up my clean clothes.  The kids were playing train on the kitchen chairs and were highly amused and involved in their game.  I came downstairs literally five minutes later and they were both covered in yogurt and there were four empty cartons of yogurt splayed out on the counter and floor.  I did not even have the chance to say anything when Henry said:

"I ate three yogurts because I ran out of glucose which is a type of sugar that your body uses for energy.  That's why I ate four yogurts."

Seriously.

Yesterday, he told me "Mom, I would like lots of presents when I turn into a man."

Okay.

At church a couple of weeks ago he asked his father, "Dad, how much longer until I can serve a mission?"

Sweet.

I was recently on the phone with Henry's aunt and Henry was bugging me to death.  I could not hear a word, so I locked myself in the bathroom so I could finish the conversation.  Henry cried and screamed outside the door..."I want to be with you!!!"  Of course, we had to have a little talk about how that was not okay and sometimes mama had to speak on the phone with other people....etc...  Later at bedtime Henry told Chris he needed some more kisses and hugs from me before he went to bed.  He had missed me so much (20 minute phone call) and his feelings had been hurt.  He told Chris I was his very best friend.  You better believe I kissed that sweet boy a hundred times!  We had had a marvelous day that day and we had even put together a very difficult puzzle of the human body that took us an hour and a half.  Yes, I said an hour and a half.  Anyway, point being, we had spent ALL day together, but he remembered those twenty minutes of devastation when mom had the nerve to lock him out:)  I do have to say that whenever I go anywhere without him I like to come home and get a big fat hug and kiss!

I thought of something else.  He came up to me a couple of weeks ago and said out of nowhere, "Mom, I think the traitors and tyrants are not going to heaven...(pause)...they are wicked."  His favorite song is "Praise to the Man".  I am not sure how long he had been thinking about those lyrics.

I am sure there is more to come.

{everyday life}

I want my kids to remember not only the holidays and big fun adventures, but also what their life was like every day as a child.  I want them to look at one "insignificant" picture and have a flood of memories come back to them, "Oh, I remember that couch..."Daddy always used to ..."Remember when..."Oh, those were my favorite....I had forgotten about those."   

The kind of everyday moments that as an adult can all of a sudden make you choke up.

You know, just everyday life with the ones you love.

Eliza in Daddy's slippers.

Reading, reading, reading. 

We read on the couch downstairs cuddled up in blankets, we read on Mama's fancy red chairs, we read on the other couch with all the pillows, we read upstairs in the loft, we read on our bed, we read on Henry's bed, on Henry's floor, in Eliza's room on the floor or in the brown rocking chair.  We read in the hall. 

We read, read, read.

Henry rejoined us right after this picture was taken.  He was not in it because he was too busy running all over the place because he was excited Daddy got home from work.

{a primary talk}

Henry was asked to give a talk in primary.  The subject matter assigned was to tell about a time when you chose the right.  Right away I had some ideas of what Henry could say...

...he wanted to go in a different direction.

He told me what to say and I wrote it down and then he memorized it...

"I choose the right when I exercise and bear my testimony.  We need to follow Christ, Heavenly Father's beloved Son.  I would like to bear my testimony."

Then we decided he would use the "five fingers" testimony and give it from the heart in primary.  He closed with "When I bear my testimony I am choosing the right."

  He did a wonderful job.  He remembered the first part pretty well, but when it came to bearing his testimony he kind of froze and I had to give him lots of prompts.  Chris gives excellent talks, but it is not his favorite thing to do.  I am thinking Henry will be a little more like his dad than his mom in this respect. 

At home, Henry's practice session was beautiful with lots of funny little details ( for example, he really wanted to include Moroni with his testimony of President Monson). 

Maybe next time I will record the practice:)



Henry was actually really happy before the picture taking started.  You know how kids will start to do the fake cheesy smile when the camera comes out?  Well, instead Henry does a miserable or very serious face.  I then tried to make him laugh and I got this....

By the way, we are trying longer hair for the winter via Henry's request.  He has two cowlicks that go oppposite directions, one in the back and one in the front.  His hair either needs to be extremely short or longer.  This is a new thing so we will see how it goes.

{a brother and a sister}

It has only taken eighteen months, but Henry finally has accepted Eliza as his sister and he LOVES her!

 (cue angels singing) 

They are truly siblings now, the fights and upsets, but also the playing together and laughing together.



One thing that has really helped in fostering their relationship has been to have Henry serve her.  You love those you serve.  Sometimes I will have Henry wash her off after meals and get her down from her high chair or just simply make sure they hug and kiss each other good night and say I love you.  I think part of the change has also been that she is older and can do more things with him.  She is understanding more of play and back and forth exchanges.  They can now "gang up" on Mama and Henry loves it!

...and maybe he has finally realized she is here to stay!

{a visit with a surgeon}

God is mighty and creates so many little miracles in our lives, so many blessings that we sometimes are not even aware of them individually, one by one. 

In December when we were told that it might be best not to wait anymore to see if Eliza's heart would heal on its own we were surprised and a little concerned.  On the way home we talked about maybe getting a second opinion to make sure this was the right thing to do.  When we got home Chris mentioned that we should talk to Brother Fortuna about it on Sunday.  I was totally confused and asked, "Why would we talk to him"?  Chris answered, "Um...because he is a pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon".

I had no idea.

We talked with him on Sunday and he said he thought he would actually be at the meeting when they presented Eliza's case.  He WAS the second opinion.  When they called us after Christmas and confirmed that she was to have surgery and it was an unanimous decision my heart lept in my chest!  This was really going to happen!  The doctor then told me Dr. Fortuna's office would be calling soon to make an appointment.  Brother Fortuna was actually going to be the one performing Eliza's surgery.  What comfort and peace this gave me!  I knew he was an excellent surgeon that everyone loved, but he was also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints and held the priesthood.  He knew us and knew our child, he was invested.  He would be able to pray and receive inspiration during the surgery.  This truly was a blessing to me.

Sometimes God makes the miracles in our lives so evident and crystal clear that we cannot possibly miss them...because of this we are changed and our faith is renewed...and we are GRATEFUL.

{The hospital (connected with OSF) where she had her appointments and surgery}

{Eliza, sweet and happy as always}

{Daddy and his girlie or "little sheep" as he sometimes calls her:)}

{waiting for Dr. Fortuna}

{Eliza was really impressed with this chair}

This appointment just seemed so surreal. 

We were told all the little details of what would happen before, during, and after the surgery, by the surgeon and also two different nurses.  We were told exactly what would happen where and when and for how long.  We were able to ask lots of specific questions and were given in-depth answers.  All of this was necessary and very appreciated.  It was almost business like, very serious and professional.  I was able to seperate myself from the emotion and just concentrate on what I needed to know and what they were explaining.

Then we had a tour.

I had to fight so hard not to cry in front of the nurse while she was showing us where the surgery would happen and where we would wait, and how the Chaplain would come and tell us when she was on the heart and lung machine.  How he would come and tell us when they had made the first incision.  How I would have to leave my baby girl when it was time for the surgery.  We then went to the ICU floor where we would go after the surgery was complete and where she would recover and have her room.  We went past babies hooked up to machinery all alone in their rooms and it was just too much.  The rest was a blur (the snack room, the website that we could use to update family, etc.)

 In the last year I had never cried about any of this, but for some reason this tour affected me when nothing had before. 

 This time my heart felt like it would break.

I was just so sad for my girl, that she had to go through this.  I was scared.  This stayed with me during the ride home, and then that evening, and into the night.  I had nightmares all night long.  The next day I found myself crying in the car while taking Henry to preschool.  I was a mess.  The surgery was going to happen in four weeks.  I knew I could not be like this for four more weeks.  I was prompted by Chris and my mom to change the appointment and make it sooner.  I was able to make it a little bit sooner and this did help.  I cleared my mind and stopped picturing Eliza in the hospital and....well you know.  I just focused on the here and now and stopped talking about the when.  I felt peace. 

 I also had something exciting to look foward to.

My parents were coming to help!

Hooray!

{eliza's heart}

  Last February we found out Eliza had a congenital heart defect called an Atrium Septal Defect or ASD.  We really only told family and then moved on and lived our lives with the occasional cardiologist visit.  I guess I just thought maybe it would go away on its own and there was no need to tell people or think about it or even fuss about it.  Things did not go according to my plan however and I realized I had never documented anything to do with her heart.  There was no record on how we found out, or where her heart story began.  I decided she probably would be interested in the details later on and I certainly would not remember if I waited... so...

here it is...Eliza's heart journey.

  In March of 2011 Eliza came down with a cold.  Instead of getting better she seemed to be getting worse by the minute.  She was starting to sound kind of croupy and was miserable so I decided to take her in to the pediatrician.  He was not available so we were scheduled with another doctor.  The doctor kept listening to her chest which I thought was a little weird.  We had already discussed our plan of action (both kids had double ear infections, etc) but she kept listening with her stethascope for a really long time.  She finally pulled away and told me she did not want to scare me but thought maybe Eliza was in heart failure.  What?  She heard an unusual sound from her heart, a sort of gallop.  The doctor started asking me all sorts of questions that made my blood run cold.  She also kept saying that she did not see any other indicators like blue lips and fingers, lack of appetite, etc., but could not ingore what she was hearing.  She told me she would get an appointment set up right away with a cardioligist and then gave me a list of things I should watch for that night just in case.  She also said we needed to go get a chest x-ray that day.  I called Chris a little weepy and still in a state of shock.  Chris stayed calm but he was very surprised and also said that she did not have any other indicators of heart failure.  Henry was of course with us and also not feeling very well (double ear infection).  By that time it was almost lunch time so we grabbed some odds and ends at the pharmacy and went to the lab area to get the x-ray.  Both kids were so sick and tired and I was emotionally in turmoil, but I needed to keep it together for the kids.  The chest x-ray was horrible.  They put her in this little tube like device with her arms straight up.  She was so terrified.  Anyway, we made it through, got home, I gave them some pain killers, and sent them to bed.  The next day we met with the cardiologist and Eliza had an EKG and then an ECHO.  All this time I kept thinking nothing was going to be wrong.

I think I kept thinking nothing was going to be wrong because Eliza had had so many little things that always came to naught.  At two weeks old she had to get a sonogram of her hip because the doctor thought her left hip was looser than the other one.  She had a clogged tear duct that was going to have to be fixed with surgery that got better the day before our scheduled appointment.  Also her strawberry kisses that would just heal on their own.  Eliza also had a chronic cough since she was a newborn.  This was followed up later with them thinking it might be some kind of asthma or bronchiectasis (this included an x-ray and also a visit to the pulmonologist).  These were a lot of weird things for a seemingly healthy and happy little girl.  Everything had always worked out so I guess I thought they would come and tell me it was some crazy one time thing.

The cardiologist came in and told me that there was something wrong with her heart, but if you had to choose something to be wrong this was it.  I am glad she started with that, it was very comforting to me.  She explained the ASD in really clear terms with a picture of a heart.  I was told that it was large, but maybe it would close on its own.  If it did not then they might be able to fix it in a lab procedure.  And if it did not meet those requirements then open heart surgery.  Chris was able to make the very tail end of the appointment, which was really nice because Eliza was really not feeling well.  It was hard for the cardiologist to hear her heart because of her wheezing.  The next day she ended up in the emergency room with RSV.  She was sent home on breathing treatments and medicine.  It was definitely a long and crazy week.

The rest of 2011 went by with occasional appointments with the cardiologist, but lots of appointments with her regular pediatrician's office.  Eliza could not keep well.  She seemed to catch every bug and every cold.  They would always turn into ear infections and that crazy cough.  It was getting to be so bad that she would only stay well for a week or so and then she was sick again.  She also did not gain very much weight.  Every time she would get sick she would stop eating.  Through all of this she was absolutely amazing, sweet and happy.  She usually slept well and was happy during the day.  I have truly never seen a temperament quite like hers.  Nothing seemed to phase her too much.

In November Eliza was given another ECHO and the cardiologist asked for a complete history of her health.  The ECHO showed that Eliza's heart still had the hole in it and it was still quite large.  That combined with how sick she was all the time (especially her cough and wheezing) the doctor decided that it was time to do something about it and not wait any longer.  Eliza was very sick for most of November and December with double ear infections, one right after the other.  She had to get this pretty rough shot called Rocefin three days in a row to try to get her well.  That was coupled with breathing treatments and antibiotics.  The team of doctors and surgeons had to meet together to discuss whether the lab would work and if not when the right time would be for surgery.  Our cardiologist called us about three times over Christmas break, updating us. The cardiology team met together and decided that Eliza needed to have open heart surgery right away.  The lab procedure would not work because the hole in her heart was just too big.  They told us right after Christmas that the surgery was not going to be delayed and we had an appointment scheduled with the surgeon for January 16th of 2012.

Whew!  That took a long time!:)  There is more to come, a few more tears and some heartache, but mostly more miracles, and more blessings.

We love you baby girl!!!
            

{a first haircut}

Eliza just turned eighteen months old.  She has reached many milestones in her short time, but the "first haircut" milestone has long been waiting.  Her hair has really started to grow in the last few months, but the only problem has been that it has mostly grown in the back and not the front and sides. 

 Basically, she had a mullet!  Rad.

(This picture does not quite show the length of the mullet.  It was to her shoulders and could easily be pulled into a ponytail, which from the back was adorable and from the front and side... very weird)

We finally decided to take her in to a salon and get her hair trimmed.  She was fantastic, of course!  There was no crying, but she moved a lot trying to see what the stylist was doing.  She was very interested in the cape and kept trying to "find" her arms and hands.  In the end I only had to do a little touch up at home on one side.  Looking good Sweetie!

{a first day}

Eliza had her first day of nursery today. 

There was no crying, no caring, no looking back, no goodbyes.

Toys, snacks, ...I'm in.

One of Henry:)

{a winter's park day}

What a fabulous surprise!  It is January in Illinois and warm enough to go to the park! 

 I think it's around 50 degrees...balmy:)

This is a very cool park located by the zoo.  Henry loves it!  We decided to invite some good friends for a quick dash to the park before dinner.

Karl and Eliza.  Jessica's boys love Eliza.

Christian, Henry, and Grant

Eliza and her friend Christian:)

A wonderful winter surprise.



{a happy new years eve}

We brought in the new year a little early... like seven hours early:)

I was excited to explain to Henry all about the year change and what it meant.  He was VERY interested.  I also talked about new years resolutions, but what really got him excited were the root beer floats.  After his new "favorite" dessert (it was his first root beer float), we went outside to bring in the new year with style...

lots of shouting and yelling, banging of pots, etc.

Eliza wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but she was all for sugar and yelling:)

{welcome}

Yes, I am finally beginning a record of our family.

  I am excited that I have committed to this journal, but I am also feeling overwhelmed by the time and commitment.  I need to throw a disclaimer out there.  I tend to come off a little over the top in my writing:)  I can hardly bare to read my girlhood journals.  They are dramatic, and , well...cheesy.  I am very expressive in real life and really do just write down what I am thinking, but the results are um... we shall see.  That being said, I am not going to edit and worry over it, or else it will take too long and never get done.  It has been a very long time since I have sat down and written anything longer than a few lines.  It seems I can't remember how to punctuate.  This is going to be an interesting journey:).

This record is for my children and is to be printed into books that they can look through and take with them later in life.  This will truly give them an insight into their mother's heart (see, it is starting already:)) 

Well, let us begin. 

Children, this tale is for you.