God is mighty and creates so many little miracles in our lives, so many blessings that we sometimes are not even aware of them individually, one by one.
In December when we were told that it might be best not to wait anymore to see if Eliza's heart would heal on its own we were surprised and a little concerned. On the way home we talked about maybe getting a second opinion to make sure this was the right thing to do. When we got home Chris mentioned that we should talk to Brother Fortuna about it on Sunday. I was totally confused and asked, "Why would we talk to him"? Chris answered, "Um...because he is a pediatric cardio-thorasic surgeon".
I had no idea.
We talked with him on Sunday and he said he thought he would actually be at the meeting when they presented Eliza's case. He WAS the second opinion. When they called us after Christmas and confirmed that she was to have surgery and it was an unanimous decision my heart lept in my chest! This was really going to happen! The doctor then told me Dr. Fortuna's office would be calling soon to make an appointment. Brother Fortuna was actually going to be the one performing Eliza's surgery. What comfort and peace this gave me! I knew he was an excellent surgeon that everyone loved, but he was also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints and held the priesthood. He knew us and knew our child, he was invested. He would be able to pray and receive inspiration during the surgery. This truly was a blessing to me.
Sometimes God makes the miracles in our lives so evident and crystal clear that we cannot possibly miss them...because of this we are changed and our faith is renewed...and we are GRATEFUL.
{The hospital (connected with OSF) where she had her appointments and surgery}
{Eliza, sweet and happy as always}
{Daddy and his girlie or "little sheep" as he sometimes calls her:)}
{waiting for Dr. Fortuna}
{Eliza was really impressed with this chair}
This appointment just seemed so surreal.
We were told all the little details of what would happen before, during, and after the surgery, by the surgeon and also two different nurses. We were told exactly what would happen where and when and for how long. We were able to ask lots of specific questions and were given in-depth answers. All of this was necessary and very appreciated. It was almost business like, very serious and professional. I was able to seperate myself from the emotion and just concentrate on what I needed to know and what they were explaining.
Then we had a tour.
I had to fight so hard not to cry in front of the nurse while she was showing us where the surgery would happen and where we would wait, and how the Chaplain would come and tell us when she was on the heart and lung machine. How he would come and tell us when they had made the first incision. How I would have to leave my baby girl when it was time for the surgery. We then went to the ICU floor where we would go after the surgery was complete and where she would recover and have her room. We went past babies hooked up to machinery all alone in their rooms and it was just too much. The rest was a blur (the snack room, the website that we could use to update family, etc.)
In the last year I had never cried about any of this, but for some reason this tour affected me when nothing had before.
This time my heart felt like it would break.
I was just so sad for my girl, that she had to go through this. I was scared. This stayed with me during the ride home, and then that evening, and into the night. I had nightmares all night long. The next day I found myself crying in the car while taking Henry to preschool. I was a mess. The surgery was going to happen in four weeks. I knew I could not be like this for four more weeks. I was prompted by Chris and my mom to change the appointment and make it sooner. I was able to make it a little bit sooner and this did help. I cleared my mind and stopped picturing Eliza in the hospital and....well you know. I just focused on the here and now and stopped talking about the when. I felt peace.
I also had something exciting to look foward to.
My parents were coming to help!
Hooray!
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